25 Year Milestone in Paradise

I hope I can get through this post without tears welling up in my eyes for the 100th time in the past few days. Back in July, when the doctors estimated that Dad had up to 2-3 months with us, we never expected him to make it to Labor Day, or Mom's birthday, or Halloween, or Thanksgiving & his 60th Birthday, or Christmas, or MLK Weekend and now...mom and his 25th wedding anniversary. Technically it's on February 20th, but Ian, Lindsey and I gifted them a surprise a little early -- a  night away at the beach. Dad has been anxious to see the bright blue ocean and relax his toes in warm white sand so my siblings and I went on a mission to make this dream come true for mom and dad's upcoming anniversary.

So I set out to find the perfect resort that was on the beach, within a few hours from Orlando and wheelchair friendly. After lots of research and Trip Advisor reviews,  I landed on the perfect spot -- Sheraton Sand Key Resort in Clearwater Beach, quickly booked a room and whipped up this cute card that Lindsey wrapped up and brought over for mom and dad to open. 

They were totally surprised and excited.

A few days before mom and dad's arrival I emailed the resort to explain dad's situation and politely request that a beach wheelchair be available for the day. I also included a picture of our family so the resort wouldn't think it was spam (which I later learned happens a lot!). Within a few hours I received a call from Jennifer from Sand Key who was so excited for mom and dad to spend their anniversary at Sand Key. She assured me that dad would have access to a golf cart anytime he wished and that they would take the best care of him.

I was also really worried about their room view and dad's comfort level being away from home. In the event that dad wasn't feeling well enough to sit on the beach, I really wanted to make sure he could at least see the beach from his balcony and not a view of the parking lot. Well, this is the view from the balcony that mom sent me after arriving to their room.

I meannnnnn, there are no words. They also surprised them with a welcome fruit and cheese board. After getting settled they made their way down to the pool bar for lunch and drinks.

But the best surprise came when Jennifer asked me to have my parents meet her in the lobby at 5:45 pm. She had the golf cart waiting for them to take them down to the beach...for a private sunset dinner.

I know. I knowwwwwww. I've sobbed over this picture she sent me like 12 times already. 

I was worried dad wouldn't be able to get into the golf cart but he did! And what a huge blessing it was that he was feeling well enough to make it down!

Every single detail that was put into their dinner had me crying like a baby. When I received this picture from Jennifer of their table I melted into another puddle of tears. First of all, dinner on the beach...at sunset...with the most gorgeous tablescape of fresh flowers, shells and the family picture I had included on my original email that SHE printed and framed!! But the part that made me the weakest at the knees was that blue bottle. She went out of her way to find a special glass bottle for mom and dad to scoop up some sand to remember this trip forever. Someone pass another box of tissues...

 

Is this not the sweetest picture EVER? Tears, tears, tears.

For dinner, their private chef recommended the crab stuffed grouper which they both ordered and LOVED.

It was the most perfect evening for mom and dad and I honestly couldn't be more thankful to have found the Sand Key Resort, for dad feeling well enough to make the trip, for "meeting" Jennifer and for this magical experience that mom and dad were able to have.

Happiest (early) 25th wedding anniversary, mom & dad!!!!

**This post is NOT sponsored in ANY way. The Sheraton Sand Key is seriously just THAT amazing.

A Spike to be Celebrated!

Hello, from the car! We are en route back to Charlotte after 5 days home in Florida!

Home was...good. And hard, per usual. Dad is doing fantastic, which you would think would be cause for celebration -- and it is! He has been sleeping in his own bed next to mom instead of our living room hospital bed for weeks now. He isn't in any pain or taking any pain medication. He's eating really well. He is no longer hooked up to any tubes. He is standing up by himself...and even taking a few steps at a time with a walker. So while it is so wonderful to see him doing so well, it literally scares the shit out of me. You see, hospice has told us that this isn't uncommon. Sometimes cancer patients (especially those who have been on treatment for years can have this burst of energy once the chemo leaves their system...and then they rapidly decline. So we are taking it day by day and enjoying this beautiful spike in quality of life for as long as we have it!

For the first time in months Dad was able to grill the steaks for Sandroni Steak Night (with a lot of supervision and many sitting breaks, but still!!!!). It was the best steak I've had in my life.

Oh! And another really cool thing! From time to time screech-owls will come and live in my parents' backyard oasis. It truly is a tropical paradise back there so it's no surprise that owls come and stay for a few weeks at a time. The kids got such a kick out of visiting Mr. Hootie 45345934 times a day. But seriously, how beautiful is that little guy?!  

Dad finally got an electric wheelchair from hospice and has been loving the extra freedom it gives him to move around. So we took a lot of walks and on Sunday he rolled up to church with the grandbabies taking turns riding in his lap along the way.

On our last night we celebrated mom's belated birthday with a delicious family dinner at Bonefish. And now we're on the 23945098345203498223484543 mile journey back to Charlotte...

Florida!

We just returned home from another wonderful weekend at home in Florida. This trip was much different from our last visit a few weeks ago. A huge blessing, Dad has had a burst of improvement, which I've been told is not uncommon for cancer patients once the chemo leaves their body. As a result he was able to spend more time in his wheelchair and less time laying down resting. In fact, he is sitting on the couch now, sleeping in bed with mom and is no longer attached to any medical equipment (which made getting him out and about so much easier). He also looks more like himself and has gained some strength in his arms and legs. Although we know this burst is temporary, we are all just so blessed by these tiny miracles that have allowed Dad to be more comfortable and present!

After a very long drive, we arrived home Wednesday evening to Ian's 30th birthday dinner. Mom always makes a delicious crab dinner for birthdays and Ian was sweet to request that she wait to make his until we got home a few days later.

On Thursday we took dad to New Smyrna Beach. The first time we took him to the beach a few weeks ago Hospice threatened to release him from their care. However, I think we've broken enough rules now that they have let the beach trips slide under the radar -- hallelujah.

The kids couldn't have had more fun. The trip to the beach was an absolute blast.

When we arrived home from the beach my girlfriend Mel surprised my family by sending dinner to our house. It was such a nice treat to have more time together and less time cooking and cleaning!

Friday we spent most of the day in the pool until the kids were completely waterlogged.

That night Mom invited family and friends over for a large spaghetti dinner -- her specialty. My bestie Shannon never misses a spaghetti dinner and stayed late catching up with me over lots of wine and ice cream cake.

Saturday we spent more time by the pool, watched a marathon of Disney movies & football (sad, sad game for the Gators), and of course, we had steak for dinner.

 

On Sunday we said our tough goodbyes and made our long drive back to Charlotte. I already can't wait to return...

Rallying Together

Wow. I am SO sorry I left y'all with such a cliffhanger and then disappeared for a few weeks (& thank you to everyone who has reached out to check on me. It really means so much). Life has been an absolute whirlwind since my last update...

A short version of a very long and hard to give update: Dad is now at the end of his cancer journey. A few weeks ago we brought him home from the hospital with the care of my amazingly strong mom and hospice. The chemo treatments were no longer effective and it had become clear that his quality of life was going to continue to suffer a great deal if he continued to put himself through the rigors of chemo that ultimately had very little chance of prolonging his life. Dad was experiencing a ton of pain, discomfort and unfortunate side effects. So our focus has now shifted from managing treatment protocols to managing quality-of-life for as long as the Lord will let us keep him on this side of heaven.

But damn, it's been hard. Really hard. Coming to grips with the reality and consequences of discontinuing chemo is still taking me time to absorb. It's especially hard being 9 hours away instead of by his bedside 24/7. Almost every single night I lay awake terrified that tomorrow will be his last day...and I'm not there. We recently spent about 10 days at home with him but ultimately had to return to Charlotte to catch up on work, run our household and tend to our very sick dog who is also dying of cancer.

So the question I get most of all -- how am I doing? Honestly? Really f*cking terrible the first few weeks after returning home (which explains my blog absence and hibernation from life). Now I have good days and bad. Some days I can keep my thoughts distracted and power through. And other days I feel like my insides have completely evaporated and I'm just this fragile shell of a human trying to make it through lunchtime without a panic attack, an ugly meltdown or getting physically ill. It feels nearly impossible to do normal things at times like write a grocery list, run a meeting, make dinner, go out for date night, fold laundry, drink wine with my best girlfriends, blog about mascara, etc. without internally wanting to scream and cry. I constantly feel guilty living my life when I know my dad's life is being cut too short -- he isn't even 60 years old. But I push through with smiles and accept hugs because I know dad wants me to. 

 

Because we don't know how much time we have, Dad has held me tight and said goodbye to me every single day that I've spent with him. With each conversation he emphasizes that his last wishes are that he be celebrated and not grieved. And because we can rest knowing that Dad's destiny is sealed in heaven we have agreed to fulfill his wishes, to the end, whenever it comes. I'm completely confident that God in his infinite wisdom and perfect love is lovingly administering his grace to us, even as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. So with smiles, prayers for strength and lots and lots and lots and lots of booze, our family has rallied together to make the most of our time, which brings me to a few pictures I will forever cherish from our last two trips home...

My absolute favorite day was the day we took dad to the beach -- against hospice orders and totally worth it. We decided to visit New Smyrna Beach so we could drive along the beach and pull up right next to the ocean. Most of you already know this, but Dad is an incredibly talented surfer so the ocean brings him instant happiness and watching all his grandbabies roll in the sand and jump in the waves was exactly what he needed. We had anticipated only staying for a few minutes but dad surprised us all and made it a few hours. 

 

It was also during this trip that Matt failed to use sunscreen and suffered the worst back sunburn I've ever seen and I also had my wheelchair pushing privileges revoked when I got brave and tried to push dad closer to the ocean and got him stuck in the sand. Oops.

Another day we visited the Orlando Sea Aquarium. The kids had an absolute blast. Their faces lit up with so much excitement as we saw sharks, sea turtles, sting rays, jelly fish and an octopus!

 

We also spent a lot of time at home so dad could rest when the kids would wear him out. And the kiddos saw every opportunity to jump into bed with him for Disney movie marathons...

And lots and lots of outside fun...

 
Uncle Ryan was a champ for blowing up the alligator pool on the back porch.

 

Snack break.

On Saturday we of course had our Sandroni Saturday Steak Night. Dad has been training Ian up on his secret recipe and grilling techniques.

After the kids went to bed, Dad pulled out his finest scotch and we played rounds and rounds of 31 while pretending that it isn't weird that there's a hospital bed in the middle of our living room.   

 On Sunday we rolled Dad up to church.

 

Lots of memories have been made during our time at home and we are anxiously counting down until our next trip to Florida.