Revision Recovery Update!

FRIENDS! Thank you all SO much for checking in on me! I have received so many emails and Instagram messages from you all and it means a lot! My procedure on Thursday was a complete success and I couldn't be happier that I left the hospital with NO DRAINS. Hallelujah. I was definitely freaking out and losing sleep over those.

Just before we dropped the kids off to daycare on the way to the hospital Matt snapped a few pictures of me and the kiddos since I won't be able to pick them up for awhile. I thought my lifting restriction was only going to be for 4 weeks but doctor told me SIX weeks before he discharged me. Yikes. Thankfully I've lined up Ms. Jamie to come help Matt a few nights with bedtime, bath time, dinner time, etc. in the evenings and a lot of my girlfriends have already dropped off some meals to us!

We arrived to the hospital and met with 9473294 doctors, answered 94382 questions (which always makes Matt so nervous), my doctor drew all over my chest in permanent marker, I got a strong dose of versed (which you may have seen on Snap/Insta -- compliments of Matt) and they whisked me away to the operating room. Matt's dad was in town for a work meeting and surprised him in the waiting room and hung out with him during my surgery too.

 Some no-makeup selfies!

Can you tell Matt is absolutely freaking out? He gets SO nervous over this stuff and laid in my bed with me until they rolled me away, per usual. And he also asks a million questions -- what are you putting in the IV now? Does she have enough blankets? Is she in any pain? Will I get an update every 6 minutes while she's back there? He's the sweetest.

I know I already said it BUT again, I was so dang happy to wake up without a drain. It was the first question I asked and cannot explain how much of a relief that was to wake up to.

The first night home was pretty awful because I have the WORST side effect on pain meds. I get extremely itchy and want to crawl out of my skin. It kept me up ALL night too. However, the pain was minimal so I switched to Advil the next day and just felt really sore with a little pain around the incisions.

On Friday I finally ripped off my itchy surgical bra and switched to a sports bra which also brought tremendous relief! Also, I mentioned in my last update that I was considering swapping out my implants with a smaller size and ended up moving forward with that decision. The doctor tested out a couple sizes in the OR and ultimately decided to go down 55 ccs. I honestly could not be happier with the girls now. They are EVEN and fit my body shape a lot better. They also look and feel a lot more natural and that's exactly what I was hoping for!

Overall, the recovery isn't too bad but six weeks of back sleeping and no lifting is going to be rough. Also, I am still a tad bit sore but am returning to work today!

Revision Surgery Day!

This morning I am undergoing my breast revision surgery!

For those of you who missed my last mastectomy update: basically, after my exchange surgery my left implant slipped out of the pocket (that was created during my expander fills) and as a result noticeably sits lower than my right implant. Anyway, Matt and I had my pre-op consultation last week, picked out some new implants and the doctor gave me strict orders to not lift anything over 10 lbs again (specifically the kiddos), clean, cook, blah, blah, blah for FOUR weeks which is a super huge pain but necessary to avoid another surgery. Basically, I can't do anything that engages my pectoral muscles while I heal because they keep the implants in place. 

 

The surgery is a quick outpatient procedure and recovery should be a breeze (minus the lifting restriction). However, my biggest, biggest, BIGGEST fear is that I may wake up with a drain on the left side. The doctor says it's a 50/50 chance but he won't know if it's necessary until he gets in there. So pretty please say a prayer for me that I make it out drain-free this morning! I'll keep you updated on Instagram!

 

Post-Mastectomy Life {1st Boobiversary}

Today marks ONE YEAR since I had my tatas removed and 8 months since I got my new ones! Every now and then I read back through my mastectomy posts and honestly can't believe how intense my whirlwind journey was. First there was the decision. Then lots of appointments. A Ta-Ta to the TATAS party. The surgery. The relief from the surgical drain removal. The first tissue expander fill. Then more fills. The highly anticipated exchange surgery. And the recovery.   

I can't describe how thankful and relieved I am to have this is all behind me now. I couldn't be more excited to celebrate my first boobiversary! 

So what does life look like now?

Well, if you are a regular reader you have a pretty good idea, but for those of you who landed here for my "mastectomy tab" you probably want an update! One thing I really struggled with while prepping for this journey was finding blogs that posted updates beyond the surgery and recovery. I felt like I read every single post from these brave women and then they disappeared after their reconstruction surgery and I often wondered "Well, what happened afterwards? Did normal life resume? Were there any complications? Did you experience any other emotions? Do you like your new boobs?" So today I want to give a progress report on life 365 days later...

**Note, my experience comes exclusively from a prophylactic decision. I know many of you are facing a different journey with chemo, radiation and more so your experience may look different.

First, I am excited to inform you all that normal life has completely resumed! I don't even think about the mastectomy very much anymore and it already feels like it was forever ago. During the thickest part of the journey it seems like you'll never feel normal again but I promise each day gets better and the worst parts of the journey fade into a distant memory with each passing day.

Stomach sleeping: I absolutely prefer to sleep on my tummy at night and adjusting to this position after my surgeries took a very long time. With your new boobs you'll feel like there is a large foreign object between your chest and your bed. It is very awkward and uncomfortable for awhile (for me this was about 10 months). However, I found that laying a mini pillow under my chest helped me slowly transition back into tummy sleeping. 

I also received some really great advice for massages! When you need to lay on your tummy for a massage just roll up a towel and lay it under your chest to take the pressure off your breasts. Works like a charm.

Nipples: My doctor gave me the option to keep or remove my nipples. Keeping them increased my risk of cancer to less than 1% and after lots of thought I made the decision to keep them. Although it's not often, there have been several times since my surgery where I've been glad to have nipples to avoid the awkward stares or questions from strangers who don't know your story. For example, getting a custom spray tan, changing in the gym locker room, etc.

Loss of Sensation: Probably the most annoying part of the process, not being able to feel my breasts is very, very weird. The doctor told me I had a highly unlikely chance that any of my nerves would grow back and so far that remains true. He said I'll know for certain right around one year post-op. As of now, I have minimal feeling around the base of my breasts. For the most part it isn't a big deal but being at the pool all summer with little ones tugging on my bathing suit definitely kept me on strap patrol worrying about my suit slipping and not recognizing it. (And yes, this has definitely happened)! 

Bra Shopping: One amazing benefit I discovered post surgery was that most insurance companies are required to cover your bras after your mastectomy. Shockingly my insurance covers an unlimited amount of bras for life. So off to Nordstrom I went...with a one year old...which I don't recommend...

 

The New TaTas: First, I am extremely grateful for my new (forever cancer-free) girls. During my pre-op consultation with my doctor, Matt and I went with my surgeons recommendation -- Allergan Natrelle Inspira silicone implants aka "gummy bear implants!" Apparently the cohesive silicone on the inside of the implant is very similar to Gummy Bear candy. But we selected them for reasons beyond that. These implants are actually specifically designed for women who have undergone a mastectomy or have very little breast tissue. With the Natrelle implants, I don't have to worry about leaking silicone, they hold their shape much better than saline implants and there is only a 3% chance they'll ever need to be replaced. 

Since we didn't know exactly what size implant would fit the pocket the expander had created, my doctor tested out a variety of implants during the procedure to see which one looks best. With each implant option he literally sat me up on the operating table like a puppet to examine the size (height and width), projection (how far they stick out), fullness (volume of cc's), evenness, etc. Since he is the breast expert, we told him to shoot for a full C cup and he took it from there.

You can read more about the implant/reconstruction process here.

BEFORE pictures on left, AFTER pictures on right

Honestly, this upgrade is definitely something I am still getting used to. Some days I love them and some days I still feel a little awkward by the size. I am 4'11" and I swear they turned out way bigger than I had anticipated. Also, despite the fat grafting I have some minor rippling (that absolutely no one but me would ever notice), which is very common for this procedure. 

Also, after a few months after my exchange surgery I began to notice my left breast was settling lower than my right by about an inch. This is also common in mastectomy surgery and I knew this risk going into the procedure. The implants are heavy and are being held in place by surgical mesh. However, over the following months I became more and more self-conscious by the misalignment. Most people wouldn't ever notice but I notice and it drives me crazy, especially when I'm wearing something with a lower cut there's only cleavage on one side or if my shirt is fitted you can kind of see the unevenness (if you're looking for it). But the most obvious misalignment is when I'm wearing something with a plunging neckline...

So, I wasn't going to do anything about it because the end goal was truly a cancer-free life, but my girlfriends have been pushing me to get them fixed. And Matt agrees only because he knows it bothers me. So off I went to my plastic surgeon (who I really love) to have him take a look and he informed me that 1. yep, totally common 2. it's a super easy fix and 3. insurance will cover any and all future adjustments for life! So that pretty much sealed the deal. 

On December 1st I will have a revision surgery. 

Although the recovery is no big deal for this one, the downside (which is actually pretty terrible) is that there is a very strong possibility that I'll require two weeks of drains (again) which as you remember was my worst experience throughout the entire journey. Because my revision will require more surgical mesh, the doctor will insert drains to remove any fluid build up as a precaution against infection. I'm trying not to think too much about that part though!

Also, I have the option to change my size during this surgery and despite my girlfriends strongly advising me against it (what can I say, I have very close, opinionated besties) I am leaning towards swapping out my implants for a smaller size. Verdict is still out.

TaTa party cake!

 So there you have it -- life is pretty darn fantastic 365 days post mastectomy!!!!! 

I recently celebrated my 30th birthday which was the age my mother was when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can't imagine the fear she faced as she prepared for chemo treatments and radiation followed by the devastation of learning she would be leaving her husband and two baby girls behind shortly after her diagnosis. By choosing this surgery I was able to fight cancer before it could even begin and have proactively reduced my breast cancer risk down to 1%. If my mom would have had this opportunity, I know she'd still be alive. And I know she's proud of me for making this brave decision to stop the trend of breast cancer in my family. 

The journey was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever been through but I would do it again and again and again, without hesitation, to be where I am today -- healthy and cancer-free. Happy 1st Boobiversary to me!

New TaTas & Recovery Update!

Well, I've always wanted Angelina Jolies boobs...and now I have them! On Thursday I wrapped up my double mastectomy journey with my final exchange surgery. I can't believe how easy this recovery has been (compared to the last)! 

Surgery Day! First of all, I wasn't nearly as nervous when I arrived to the hospital this time. I was just so anxious to get it over with. However, as I was being prepped for surgery, I made a big deal about how scary it was for me last time when they rolled me into the operating room still awake. And then asked me to get off my hospital bed and onto the operating table. NOT COOL. So I said "nope! give me some stronger versed this time!" and they did. Next thing I remember was waking up 3 hours later in recovery begging for ice chips. 

Pain Management: Honestly, the breast pain has been super manageable since the surgery. In fact, when I awoke I felt instant relief from the expanders being gone. Hallelujah. I took my strong pain meds like clockwork for 2 days post-surgery but they made me itch so badly that I stopped and switched to ibuprofen. The oxycodone also made my vision extremely blurry and hallucinate. At one point I thought my friend's car was rolling out of my driveway while she was sitting on the couch next to me. And later that day I saw my bathroom plant dancing. So, very weird.

My doctor gave me a fair warning about the tummy pain from the liposuction for the fat grafting in my boobs and I can now confirm that the tummy pain is no joke. Terrible, terrible pain and the bruising is supposed to get pretty nasty this week. But someone punch me (anywhere but the tummy) for complaining about coming home with a pinch less fat! 

The New Boobs: So I wasn't allowed to shower or remove my bandages for 3 days but I did peek down my shirt as much as possible when I got home. Once I finally removed the bandages it was quite a shock going from expander boobs (huuuuuuge and hard) to much smaller, natural boobs. My first reaction was "did I go too small?" even though the goal was a large B cup or small C. They are also uneven. The right breast sits just a tad bit higher than the left. I'm not sure how noticeable it is to anyone but me or if they will shift at all once the swelling goes down and things "settle." Overall I am really, really happy. I instantly feel more normal now. Although I don't think normal people flash themselves when they walk by every mirror in their house.

I also just realized that I look naked here without my wedding rings! But let's be honest, no one was looking for those in this picture anyway.

I have a follow up appointment with my doctor in a week. I couldn't be happier to be on the mend and living my life cancer-free!

Other Mastectomy Posts:   The Double Mastectomy Decision  The Double Mastectomy Surgery Details  Ta-Ta to the TATAS party 1 Week Post Op 2 Weeks Post Op {Bye Bye Surgical Drains} 1 Month Post Op {Expander Fills}   Mastectomy 101: Surgical Drains & Tissue Expanders {10 Weeks Post-Op} Mastectomy Planning, Necessities and Gift Ideas New TaTas Tomorrow {day before exchange surgery}

New TaTas Tomorrow!

March 10 is THE DAY I've been not so patiently counting down to since my double mastectomy! Tomorrow at 5 a.m. I will report to the hospital to undergo my breast reconstruction surgery!

The Implants: A few weeks ago we had our exchange surgery consultation where Matt and I were super mature (kidding, nope we weren't) as we squeezed lots of implants until we decided on Allergan Natrelle Inspira silicone implants aka "gummy bear implants!" Apparently the cohesive silicone on the inside of the implant is very similar to Gummy Bear candy. But we selected them for reasons beyond that. These implants are actually specifically designed for women who have undergone a mastectomy or have very little breast tissue. With the Natrelle implants, I don't have to worry about leaking silicone, they hold their shape much better than saline implants and there is only a 3% chance they'll ever need to be replaced.

  

The Procedure: My surgeon explained to us that during this final surgery he will go back in through the incision under my breasts, remove the saline-filled expanders and pop in the silicone implants. Since we don't know exactly what size will fit the space the expander has created, my doctor has a variety of implants ordered to see which one looks best. With each implant option he will literally sit me up on the operating table like a puppet to examine the size (height and width), projection (how far they stick out), fullness (volume of cc's), evenness, etc. Since he is the breast expert, we are gladly leaving it to him to determine what looks "perfect." After he selects the appropriate size he'll inject fat from my stomach (best news ever!!!) into my breasts to fill the pockets where breast tissue used to be and provide an extra layer over the implants to avoid the appearance of rippling.

So, not your typical boob job. 

The Recovery: As excited as I am to get this procedure behind me, I am a little nervous for recovery again. Apparently the fat grafting will be the most painful part of recovery. I'll have a weight lifting restriction of 10 lbs for 6 weeks again which is the most annoying rule of all time and I also have the same instructions not to perform any household chores or cook. That's going to be such a pain again. But hopefully 6 weeks passes quickly.

My mom arrives this afternoon for a week and we are so, so, so thankful to have her back. I know Matt can totally handle the kids (he was a pro last recovery) but mom insisted on coming up to make sure someone is taking care of Matt! Ha! 

How I'm Feeling: READY. Actually, more than ready for a couple reasons. For one, expanders suck. I am incredibly self-conscious about the way they look and have been grateful that scarf season happened to coincide with this phase of my journey. Not only do they look incredibly unnatural and uneven (one of my boobs literally sits inches above the other), they are profoundly uncomfortable and make activities like sleeping and hugging incredibly awkward.

And two, I'm so sick of planning things around surgeries and recoveries. It has been 134 days (or 19 weeks and 1 day) since my double mastectomy and I am excited to close this chapter and move on with my life.

But all complaints aside, and most importantly, I feel EXTREMELY GRATEFUL. Every time I see a woman at the grocery store wearing a scarf over her bald head and proudly sporting an "I survived" shirt I want to hysterically bawl my eyes out. When I open the email from a reader telling me she (or her friend) recently tested BRCA positive or worse, was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, I want to drop to my knees and praise Jesus for giving me this chance to LIVE without the fear of breast cancer. And as I approach my 30th birthday later this year, I think about how different my mom's 30th birthday with two small children and a very scared husband looked for her. I am so blessed to have had this opportunity to beat cancer before it could ever begin. 

One last thing! Will you squeeze me into your prayers tomorrow morning?

Mastectomy Planning, Necessities & Gift Ideas

Now that I'm on recovery cruise control I thought I would share some really helpful information that I've learned along the way for any of you (or your friends) preparing to embark on this journey. If your surgery date is set, CONGRATULATIONS, you've made it through the toughest part! Seriously, the decision (and waiting for the surgery) is honestly the hardest part. I couldn't be more proud of all the women out there who are standing up to cancer and saying "NOPE!" by choosing a prophylactic double mastectomy. You are truly inspirational. And for those of you who are preparing without the choice, I honestly don't have the words to describe how incredibly strong and brave you are. Also, I'd love to pray for you so please email me.

From my personal experience, I am going to share some advice, tips and items that have tremendously helped me through this journey...

THROW A BOOB-VOYAGE. First, I highly recommend celebrating your God-given tatas before they are removed. A few days before your surgery, go out to dinner with your best girl friends, have them over for a game night or throw a boob-voyage party! 

Being surrounded by my best friends and their families days before my surgery really encouraged me and helped reduce my anxiety about the procedure. I also didn't want anyone to feel awkward about my mastectomy (especially my friend's husbands) so I invited kids and husbands to my party and everyone had a great time. Plus my amazing husband is on this journey with me and was very scared about my procedure so I wanted him to celebrate and let loose with the guys too. And now, when I see my friends I don't feel like I have to whisper or feel awkward about my recovery around their husbands.

MEALS: You won't be cleared to cook for awhile (six weeks for me) so let a friend create a meal sign up for you and also stock your freezer ahead of time. Take Them A Meal is a great website for meal coordination and even offers the option to ship pre-made meals from friends and family who don't live nearby. This was a wonderful surprise from my friends who live many miles away but still wanted to help. Also, for our meal sign-up site my friend posted a note notifying guests that we'd leave a cooler on the front porch for days that were particular hard and I could not visit. And trust me, there will be many of those days! But your friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. understand!

FAMILY SCHEDULING: If you have kiddos (especially small kids) make sure you line up back-up help for school pick ups and drop offs in advance! Your primary support person will be taking care of you so you'll need an extra set of hands for the kids.

NECESSITIES: I remember freaking out about a week before my surgery thinking "what do I need?!?!?" I was so worried about stocking my freezer and lining up so many things that I totally forgot to prepare for my recovery. I also frequently receive emails from readers asking what sort of gifts are really helpful during recovery so they can send something thoughtful and useful to a friend going through this procedure. So here are a few of my must haves for coming home from surgery. Remember, every woman is different so you may not need all of these. But I wanted to put together a the most comprehensive list possible!

1. Button Up Clothing: For at least the first 3 weeks, you will not be able to dress yourself. I lived in pajamas at home and leggings with cardigans when I left the house. These must be button up so you don't have to lift your hands above your head to pull your shirt on or shimmy up your body (pulling up on clothes is very painful at first)! I recommend purchasing one size bigger than you'd normally wear. 

2. Pillows, Pillows, Pillows: You will need tons of pillows of all shapes and sizes to get comfortable. I used one neck pillow, two heart pillows for under my arms during the day, a teeny little pillow for extra support in random places, several massive pillows for behind my back and a variety of thick and thin pillows surrounding me. 

The Bed Wedge: Until your surgical drains are removed (for me that was three weeks post-op), I was instructed to sleep sitting up. We tried building a pillow fort which was never comfortable enough but then a friend offered to loan us her bed wedge system and it was a complete game changer. I was able to actually get a little sleep with this amazingly comfortable body pillow. Plus you can adjust the system in different positions for different times of day. I also stacked pillows to keep my arms elevated on both sides of the wedge.

Bump Nest Pillow: Once I was cleared to lay flat on my back for sleeping I traded out the bed wedge for my amazing pregnancy pillow. I am still using this and will continue to do so through my next surgery recovery. 

3. Lip Balm, Hand lotion, Hair Ties, Headbands: There is nothing more frustrating than not being able to move that stray hair out of your face or off the back of your neck those first few days. I kept my hair in a pony tail (shout out to the husband for learning this) and used huge durable headbands to keep my hair from falling in my face and driving me nuts. Keep all of these things on the night stand next to the bed for easy access. 

4. Dry Shampoo, Face Wipes & Facial Spray: You are not allowed to shower for several days after the surgery. Once you are cleared, taking a shower is a bit of a production the first few weeks and you definitely need assistance washing your hair. For the days I was too tired to shower, a spritz of dry shampoo and face wipes and facial spray helped me feel refreshed.  

5. Pill Organizer Box: You will have so many pills to keep up with! And you will not be able to unscrew the top of your prescription bottles so having your pills pre-sorted by hour or day in a pill box is incredibly helpful! We crossed out the days of the week and wrote times instead on my box.

6. Throat Lozenges: After surgery I had a very dry, sore throat for several days and coughing hurts your chest so keep throat lozenges handy!

7. Electric Toothbrush: I did not purchase one of these but a few people recommended it to cut down on arm movement the first week. In hind sight, I would have purchased one. Also, you will not be able to bend over the sink bowl to spit or wash your face so keep a cup nearby and some face wipes too! 

8. Surgical Bra: Some hospitals will provide you with a surgical bra and some hospitals ask you to bring your own. Check with your doctor and hospital ahead of time! I really liked my Amoena Post-Surgical Bra with Drain Management. Read more about drain wearing and surgical bras here.

9. Drain Camisole: A post-surgery pocketed camisole was my second choice of drain wearing. I loved my camisole because it was super soft and comfortable and I could easily throw a cardigan over it to hide the drains.

10. Lanyard: For clipping your drains to when you shower.

11. Drain Apron: I received the sweetest set of aprons made by the volunteers at the hospital. The apron was my preferred drain holder when I went out and about although I had to be careful with the drain cords under my shirt, especially when I had my little ones in tow! You can decorate your own canvas waist apron or purchase a black apron if you want to be more incognito.

12. Back Scratcher: No one warned me how itchy the pain meds would make me so I used a long plastic serving fork the first few weeks and eventually upgraded to a legit back scratcher.  

13. Tumbler with Straw & Snacks: You will need water next to you at all times. Make sure you have lightweight cups with straws because the first few weeks you will want to limit the range of motion in your arms! Straws were a lifesaver. Also, keep snacks nearby for when you take your medications. The snack cup was a pretty amazing gift I received and highly recommend! 

14. iPad, Magazines, etc.: Fill your Netflix que up...starting with Parenthood and Friday Night Lights.

15. Scar Cream: Once your wounds are healed your doctor will recommend that you start using scar cream. I used (and liked) Mederma. They will sell you an overpriced bottle at their office or you can purchase it from Amazon for much cheaper.  Also, after awhile you can switch to Vitamin E oil which is much more affordable.

EXTRA SPECIAL GIFTS FOR YOUR FRIEND: Here are really great group gifts to go in on to surprise your friend. 

Blow Dry Bar Gift Card: Unless the patient lives with a hair stylist, I highly recommend a blow out gift card. After four weeks of ponytails, my hair was an absolute mess. Matt did his best to help me wash and blow dry my hair, but after so many weeks you begin to crave feeling normal again. One of my girlfriends surprised me with a gift card to Blo (a blow dry bar) and I went at 3 weeks post op so I could attend a baby shower looking halfway decent. I was so thankful and happy to have my hair professionally washed and styled that the stylist washed my hair twice and I literally cried happy tears leaving the salon. 

Pedicure Gift Card: Having a fresh pedicure to look at all day in bed helped me feel halfway decent, especially during those first few weeks of not being able to do my hair or makeup. 

Housecleaning: Under no circumstance will you be allowed to do any sort of light housework including vacuuming, loading/unloading the dishwasher, etc. My mom surprised me with 6 weeks of housecleaning to ensure I didn't do it myself and it was the best gift ever.

Send a Meal: Other great meal gifts we received were gift cards to local meal delivery services like Foodie Call and Postmates. Check your area to see what is offered there. 

WHAT TO PACK IN YOUR HOSPITAL BAG: You may be in the hospital for 1-2 nights. Leave your valuables at home to keep them safe! Here is what I packed (and used): 

• Mini Pillow
• Chapstick
• Snacks
• Button Up Pajamas
• Socks
• Flip Flops & Slippers
• Hand Lotion
• Surgical Bra & Drain Belt
• Toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste)
• Throat Lozenges
• iPad & Charger
• Hair Ties, Bobby Pins & Headband
• Face Wipes, Face Spray & Dry Shampoo

And that's a wrap! I will be updating this post as I receive questions from readers!